David Stephen E. Sta. Maria

and thus... it ends here...

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:32:15 GMT

This will be the last time ill write something on this account... this will also be the last time i am opening this account... i am not deleting it though, maybe in a few years people will read the stuff written in my blog, and who knows they might find knowledge that no one has ever thought...

anyways... this is my last entry... why? reasons known only by me... if you do not have the luxury of time... i warn you, stop reading as of this very moment...

Someone, a close friend of mine invited me once to create a livejournal account... and i did it... this is my second livejournal account - for the people who did not know... first question, why did i erase my livejournal account (first)... it was because... i couldn't reach the persons in this LJ community... to be more specific i couldn't get along with bloggers, or couldn't understand them for this matter, bottom line cant relate... i was around 1st year college? second year college? and yes i couldn't relate with you guys... berk, ginie, tina, keith, s1nners who has blogs, my english blockmates and etc... and thus i stopped...

Now, i have another account... if people you are going to ask me... why stop again? then my answer would be... i can now relate so much with blogs... and its disturbing... it bothers me... and i can't do anything about it... (it has nothing to do with me expressing myself... its how i feel by others expressing themselves...)

So stuffs that i would like to say for my last entry...

I would like to thank the people who sent me messages in this account... i have 24 messages all in all, without even deleting a single one... (messages being comments as well) excluding of course friend added messages

1 message from myself...
1 message from LJ maintenance... thank you...
1 message from denise... thank you denise...
2 messages from bordge... thank you bordge...
4 messages from ginie... thank you ginie...
12 messages from sheila... thank you sheila...

thank you for your messages...

I'd like to leave the following...
(some people could actually relate to the stuff i write here, for they are very much a part of the experience... and for that i thank you)

- money and position has no position when it comes to matters of the heart
- the heart does things for reasons.. that reason does not understand..
- you can only hope that in the moment of dark reflection... that you are not alone...
- the question of good and evil is provided in one simple choice.. survive.. or perish?
- what do all men of power want? more power...
- we have all forgotten what we are here for
- someone is out there... and that someone will find you... if only you can find the courage to face another day...
- its amazing how everything can change in a blink of an eye
- i want them to feel that they are not alone out their...
- a real man admits his fears...
- finish what you started
- "I want the ball..", winners always do...
- see what no else sees... see what everyone else doesnt choose to see...
- its been an honor to share the field of battle with you
- How are legends made... by how they live their life? or by how others live because of them?
- does this darkness have a name... is it ur name?
- A sense of curiosity is nature's original school of education
- i came here a man.. give me the strength.. to walk out of here a man
- if there is honor in the course you have set me.. let me earn it today...
- every passing minute is a chance to change all around....
- For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it... For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it... For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.
- the harder you fight the deeper you sink.. quicksand
- "smile! your here with me!"
- dont... dont ruin it..
- most heroes are dead...
- you choose a leader by his heart... "but i am not without fear"... without fear there can be no courage...
- one part brave... three parts fool...
- something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream..
- the best feeling.. people counting on me... and im not letting them down..
- if you cant join them... beat them...
- we are paratroopers we are supposed to be surrounded
- i need you to talk to me; im not trying to shut you out; i just dont undestand it enough to let you in; whatever it is we are gona get thru it together, im right here, im not going anywhere.
- they're taking every bit of dignity we have; no,its your dignity, they can only take it away if let them
- Im not letting go... I know you wont...
- Honor your skills.

and of course... my favorite lines
IAB - Its All Bullshit
IDGAR - I Dont Give A Rats Ass

special mention to this line...
"it is in the darkest sky... dat stars shine bright....."

thank you to the person who gave me this quote... of all the persons that i could talk to, it had to be you... (something that he/she got from a friend (i was touched with our conversation, and was at the point of crying)
"we might get a better sense of "intimacy" by looking at the reality behind the word: "into-me-see." Intimacy is born between two people who open themselves up, make themselves vulnerable, and allow and invite each other to see into their deepest lives"

everything above are lines that i took or made (except the quote)...
i only have one statement that i kept as it was said/typed to me... (thank you, you know who you are)
"i think we dream so that we don't have to be apart for so long. if we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time""

thank you...

i do not wish to end my final entry with a negative legacy...
and thus i keep everything to myself...

See you all on the real world...
where the world is a stage...
and everyone are actors...
and by actors... i do mean actors...

it was quite an experience expressing myself through the blog...
pathetic of me...
as usual...
mood apathetic
location bedroom
music... silence..

just to make it clear...

this is my blog...
and i didn't make this blog for someone or something...

thank you...
THANK YOU EVERYONE...

and yes... BYE.

and thus, i free myself...
from the sadness...

this is David Stephen E. Sta.Maria
signing off.

-- no final message --
-- post to daevianced --
time ended: 10:40 pm
date: april 12,2007

Words

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 16:52:46 GMT

I am bothered...

of what?

words...

how do you call a man who is seperated from its words?
Liar...
how do you call a man who is without words?
Coward...
how do you call a man who is nothing but words?
Hot Air...

ACMG Basketball team... looking back...

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 02:50:33 GMT

My first official year in ACMG...
Captain for its basketball team...

my experience...
I played against the ACMG basketball players 2x...
I played against the ACMG alumni players 3x...
I played against the LGV boys 2x...
I played against the YFC team 1x...

in all games... we lost... so much for a nice start...

We had the perfect team...

Carlos Palma, point guard... Pass first mentality... Jason Kidd with hair.

David Sta.Maria, shooting guard... create an open spot then shoot... Right handed Manu Ginobili.

Dino Alcoseba, shooting guard/ small forward... catch and shoot... Left handed Kyle Korver.

Ferdie Morano, small forward... "kat"er... heart... Tracy Mcgrady Body type.

Papu Alonzo, small forward... dribble away... Lamar Odom without passing.

Joey Gavino, small forward/ power forward... slasher... White Carmelo Anthony.

Nikko Chua, power forward... pg/pf in one... Short Dirk Nowitzki.

Rey Sanchez, power forward/ center... fake, fade away, board, swoosh. Under powered Elton Brand.

Miguel Florendo. center... tall. Yao Ming minus 1 foot and a half.

WE LOST... BADLY EVEN IN TIMES... CLOSE IN TIMES... BUT ALL THE GAMES... LOST...
why?
we had skills... individually...
however... how does one shoot without someone passing the ball...
how does one get the ball without someone first rebounding the ball...
and etc...

we did not play as a team...

taking the words of Abdul Jabar... one man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team...

However...
one good thing is that... we tried... we tried to play as a team...
we tried to go against the giants of our division... we tried to win... we tried to play... that makes us winners...
taking the words of Michael Jordan... i can accept failure, But i can't accept not trying.

Sadly, there is no more next season for this team.. why? because of that damn reclustering! YFC would have been beat! Just when we got it all together... we lost the chance to perform...

the team will be losing its seniors now...
and i dont think it will be receiving lots of fresh legs...
we will be facing a bigger challenge now...
to the IAC games...

this time.. better...
this time... as a team...

Courage... a story to tell based from my days as a karateka

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 08:39:13 GMT

What is courage?

courage is usually associated with...

this kind of situations...

Knight: Sir, i pledge allegiance to you to my death. I will protect your kingdom will all of my strenght and i will never give up until my last breath. I will face the enemy without fear... be them a group... horde... or legion... they will fall.

Basketball player: (the score is 98 - 98, 5 seconds left on the clock) Pass me the ball, i'll dribble it to the inside, stop, fade away... no one shall stop me...

Fighter: FACE ME! I am not afraid of you!

so heroic...
so majestic...
so full of... shit.

courage is not the absence of fear...
courage is the acceptance of fear...

I was once a member of PTKF-JKA (Philippine Traditional Karate Federations - Japan Karate Association). I trained in dojo kun for around 3 years.

I remember when i was just starting... a senior karateka by the name of Meiko approached me and said "it takes will to enter this brotherhood... and i have to warn you... it takes courage to stay... Everyone loves fighting, for others its cool, its stylish... but ever wonder why there are only a few of us left training..."

I did not like that guy... cocky and arrogant... who was he to doubt my courage... A few days later, another senior by the name of Raymond once asked me... "David, What is courage?"... I could not answer him...

After reaching 6th kyu, a senior by the name of Alex called out two juniors... namely me and JB... Alex released a reverse punch to JB's face, and stopped just an inch away... JB did not even flinch... Alex said "You have fighting spirit"... Alex then went in front of me... I was prepared... I saw what he did... I shouldn't flinch or even blink... Alex released a reverse punch... I simply couldn't help but close my eyes and fade my body back a little... then did one heck of an out of form upper block... of course i never got to block the punch as it was never meant to hit me... Alex said "David... you have courage..."

JB and I sparred after that... and well... i lost...the lenght of his arms was almost as long as the lenght of my roundhouse kick... without excuse... i lost... 5 - 3...

Courage is not standing up without fear... standing up without fear is foolishness...

Courage is not choosing to fight without preparation... yet again, it would simply be foolishness...

Courage is fighting with your fear...

and with that you are courageous...

win the battle or lose it... you stand courageous...

Courage is courage...

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

anyways...
i am not courageous...
one part of me is brave... three parts foolish...

and just a side note... i kicked Meiko's butt( after a few years)!!!! (the arrogant and cocky guy)

i am scared...

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 22:23:24 GMT

i am shivering...

both in fear...

and in anticipation...

i am scared...

i am not comfortable...

haven't slept...

i might faint...

i have decided...
i will go into the battlefield...
without any guns... bullets... nor training...
will i win the battle?
will i win the war?
all i have with me, is stock knowledge...
will it be enough...
i doubt...
however...
there is always hope for those who stand strong in times fear...

one part brave... three parts fool.

i will update you with the results

Lions pride

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 15:35:25 GMT

I do not fear a lion for i have done nothing to hurt its pride...

A lion's heart...

gentle...

loving...

brave...

courageous...

caring...

a good king...

a good leader...

someone you can rely on...

however, hurt its pride... trespass into his territory... hurt his love ones...
you... will... suffer...
death is but the best option you have to relieve yourself from the suffering you are about to encounter.

I will kill if i have to... I wont even hesitate for a second...
I will look at you straight into the eye... I will head straight to you... and...
I will hurt you...
Go ahead... do anything you can... bring a whole army with you to protect you...
There is nothing you can do to escape my wrath...
There is nothing you can do... to survive...
I will be cold...
I will be silent...
I will hunt you down...
It would be best... if you simply exiled yourself from existence...
for you... hell will exist in earth...
hell... you'd wish to be in hell... than to be alive in earth... facing my wrath...

trust me...
if i were you...
stay away.

foolish?
it takes to bravery to be foolish.
one part brave... three parts fool.

Driving...

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 22:21:19 GMT

I love to drive... if something is bothering... i drive (provided there is nothing else more i could do, i usually just close my eyes and think... or stare at something and think)...

People should not think of the word "driver" as a low proffesion...
when you are a "driver"... lives are at your hands...

I have a story about a driver... i dont know if its a good one or not...

Let us name the driver DS...

DS drives a white Nissan Sentra Exalta 5 speed automatic transmission...

DS was thinking of something deep... so he was driving around Katipunan... around 11:00 pm or so...

DS turned on the final U-turn slot after Mirriam... there were no cars...

DS parked on the side...

switched to neutral...

then rev up thrice...

a green toyota corolla stopped beside DS... parked... and rev up twice... then...

tires screeched....

the green toyota corolla accelerated forward...

DS did not know what just happened...

he simply place his foot to the accelerator and tailed the green toyota corolla...

well it didn't take long for the toyota corolla to run out of site...

but DS did not stop...

his tachometer which limited its engine to 8000 revs/min registered at 5000 to 6000...
his speedometer marked a 140 - 160 speed...
everything around blurred out...

DS was in deep thought driving in this speed...
yet he was not scared...
he didn't have time to be scared...
at that very moment...
he just wanted his thoughts to dissappear...

suddenly a flash of light came from the other side of the road...
DS was blinded for a second...
when DS recovered his sight...
he was already nearing the divide to eastwood and San Juan...
DS accelerated... turned hard.. then accelerated again...
throwing the back of his car to the side...
a preliminary drift happened...
the car nearly tumbled side ways...
and it existed to San Juan...

a tiny rock was on the road...
DS had no time to dodge it...
the car ran over the rock...
then swirved...

Death was inevitable...

what happened next?

Legend says that DS drives through the night trying to finish what his mind has thought of...
what was he thinking?
no one knows really...

one thing is for sure...
that night...
Death occured...
who died?
No one...
huh?
His thoughts died...
and so...
he drives on...

BOOOOO!!! FOUL!!!!

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 22:04:36 GMT

Ginie: only 2 S1nners are not busy... you and mike... hahahahahahaha

BOOOOOOO!!!! GINIE FOUL!!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

and for that i will release your acmg video scandal:D hahahahahahahhaha

i have power over you!!! bwahahahahahahahahahaha

shux natawa ako sa sarili ko!!!

hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

bwahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

FYI (this a bad term, why cant people say it kindly)

May ginagawa ako...
busy din ako...
ayaw ko lang ipakita...
ayaw kong magdrama...
bakit?
Because if you guys are already stressed out and is/are already in the point of dying...
then im really sure that me showing that i am busy will not really help you guys at all...
at least i give you guys hope...
what kind of hope?
that there will always be a man who is gona fail with you guys if ever you fail! hahahahahaha jowk :D bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

argh.. patapon na utak ko...
i need... .DOTA...
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
just one more day.... after today... wohoooooooo!!! finals na lng!!!! wohoooooooo

we are like kites

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 23:32:16 GMT

The whole 2 sems of philosophy...
concluded in one single quotes...

"We are all like kites... soaring comfortably in the sky... in place as they anchored to the ground by a string... but when the string breaks... will you take wing, and fly like a bird? or will you fall hard to the ground..."
- Sir Anton Sevilla

the sport i played... called... soccer...

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 00:02:35 GMT

last tuesday...

i was able to once again experience the satisfying feeling of controlling the ball with the use of my feet, legs, chest, and head...

after highschool i stopped playing soccer... thinking that i could find more enjoyment in other sports...

but i was wrong...

the feeling...
...of hearing *BooooM* as i kick the ball...
...of counting those three crucial steps before the kick...
...of doing a succesful fake against an opponent...
...of seeing the ball swish through the air...

...everything about soccer...

is just so nice...

i miss the times...

I am not a defender... i suck with defense...
I am not a striker... even though i want to be... but my leg power is not strong enough anymore...
I am a mid-fielder... and i am not ashamed of it... i like my position...
I create...
opportunities for my team...

i want to play soccer... again...

every athelete dreams of a second chance...
I want to live it...

insight 02

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 23:41:59 GMT

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy"

it is only when we are tested that we truly discover who we are... and it is only when we are tested that we can know who we can be...

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.”

we are not bad leaders because we make bad decisions... we are bad leaders because in the times of need, we make no decisions...

Effects of my "WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE"

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 23:17:35 GMT

Eman of DJAMES says...
that DJAMES is proud of me...
and wow... all of them are boys!!!!
so them being proud of me as a girl...
hmmmmmmmm something is wrong...
either they are gay... or im just totally hot and sexy... bwahahahahahahaha

Mark of DJAMES says...
ang ganda ko raw...
hmmmmmmmm... no comment...

Godwin of DJAMES ext. says...
"bogz, is that you?!?!?!"
at least... question pa.... hahahahahahaha at least there is still a part of him that doubts that i am a girl... yeah... wohooooo....

Jing2x of RYM says...
"pwede ka na mag-artista... parang maximo oliveros..."
hahahahaha... kung mag-aartista man ako... I AM NOT GONA PLAY A GIRL ROLE AGAIN AND WEAR a MINI-SKIRT.... TIMMY WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN WATCHING ME.. REASON?... I'D RATHER KEEP QUIET...

and omg...

Timmy of ACMG says...
"couldn't take my eyes off you"
uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NEVER AGAIN!!!!

Ina my sister says...
im sexier and hotter compared to her, ate jang, and SHEILA
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! bleh! Sheila! :p akala mo they will always be by your side sa pang-aapi sa akin? well in this case... bwahahahahahhahahaha im hotter. hahahahahhaha im sexier. oh yeah...

i would like to say...
especially to my mom...

that.... everyone... mom....
Im....
STRAIGHT!!!!!!
HONEST...
i am not being defensive...
i am straight!!!

and to all my fans there in iligan...
uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm dili ko muanha dira karung summer para dili ko ninyo masaway... bwahahahhahahahahahahahahah bleh!

insight 01

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 15:10:42 GMT

"don't take life too seriously...
nobody ever came out it alive..."
- van wilder

"don't be a fool...
stay in school..."
- van wilder

"Why me?"
"I look at you i see two men... the man you are... and the man you ought to be... someday those two will meet and they are gona make one hell of a football player..."
- the replacements

"Pixius - the will to fight"
- the replacements

"they only need one leader out there... you be it"
- the replacements

"winners always want the ball when the game is on the line..."
- the replacements

my name...

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 23:10:37 GMT

My name in japanese means...

David = 川添 Kawazoe (riverside) 明 Akira (bright)

Stephen = 山下 Yamashita (under the mountain) 聖人 Masato (sacred person)

wow...

ang bait ko...

im sacred...

good and evil

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 22:35:41 GMT

the question about good and evil...

can easily be answered by a simple decision...

to survive...

or perish...

put the game in your hands... win the game...

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 11:05:54 GMT

I played 5 games of basketball today...

with total strangers...

all of us were guards on our team...

and well most were shooting guard...

pass...

then shoot...

sana pumapasok...

but no...

funny thing is...

one player took around 20 shots...

made 4...

and everytime he made one...

he says BOOM BABY! OH YEAH!

we were down by around 10 points...

i wanted to win...

what did i do...

took every bit of oppurtunity i received to make count...

well of course we lost...

but i cut the lead down to two...

of the 5 games i played...

i lost 3...

but it feels great...

now back to making acmg's video...

kung kelan kami nagcram...

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 06:52:53 GMT

THEO 131 paper

no group meeting...

written on the day of the deadline itself...

no readings to base...

no common time working on the paper...

passed individual non coherent work...

and then...

we got...

a...

3.5!

wth! kng kelan nag cram! yung pinagbutihan namin 2 point something lng paper namin!

omgwtfbbq!

ME(with something on my ear) with Sheila...

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 23:30:42 GMT

Yesterday...

Sheila doesn't like my left side of the face..
why?
because of something...
i think its called an earing...

David was totally sweet with Sheila...
reasons for this?
hmmmmmmmmm... i do not know...

Its weird when Sheila is sleepy...
i suddenly become noisy...
which is tiring...
no wonder i like to be silent...

We watched an epic movie entitled... EPIC MOVIE...
the show ran for one hour.. wow...
no other comment...
it was so cold in eastwood...
Sheila and i had to share one jacket(using it as a blanket)!!
i like the position.. hahahahaha (selfish)

then we walked around talking about how i reacted if i had a son who i knew was "oblationy" and my son had a girlfriend...
i know where those genes came from!!!! hahahahaha
Im glad my son is not gay!!! :p
and my words for my son
"son... take care of your "merchandise"... girls will crave for it in the future.." bwahahahahahaha
it was an unfair conversation because i was the only one who answered the question...

my friends from highschool suddenly arrived...
meiko had his ear pierced...
for no reason at all...
i think he's gay.. hahahaha joke.. peace bro!
We watched a movie... 23... of course with Sheila...
I thought it was a horror movie!
I asked sheila to comfort me when the time comes.. hahahahaha
but it was not a horror movie...
the movie was greate... you guys should watch it...

We "made hatid" Sheila home... David = sad...
but also in a way relieved...
as they threatened me that if Sheila was with us...
They would black mail me...
the thing is.. they have nothing to use against me...
hahahahahahaha...

anyways we laughed the night out...
without drinking or smoking...
we are a bunch of good fellows...

I was touched by what meiko said... about the mass...
He is my fellow redemptorist acolyte...

David: "Meiko, do you still go to mass?"
Meiko: " Yeah... even though most of the times i forget... but the thing is.. I do not go to mass because i am a good man... I also do not go to mass because i am a sinner... I got to mass... because I Love God..."
David: (astonished) "As your president a few years back... im proud that my members did learn something"
Meiko: "what makes you think i learned that from you?"
David: "from who meiko?:"
Meiko: "uhmmm... some guy named David Stephen... he looked much more cooler than you!"

I missed Sheila though...
I wish she was there...

It takes only a moment of your precious time... to turn around... ill be two steps behind...

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:06:48 GMT

"You ever wonder how long it takes to change your life...
The measure of time isn't enough to be life altering...
An hour can change everything..."

Its amazing how in a blink of an eye everything in front of you can change...
Its also amazing how in a blink of an eye you yourself can change...
How does your precious time spent with people around you matter?
It matters a lot...

In a single second all can be lost...
In a single second a basketball game could be won...
In a single second a single question in a test could remain unanswered...
In a single second a whole semester of studying could all go to waste...
In a single second a racer could break records...
In a single second a hug would mean more...
In a single second a kiss could be eternity...
In a single second all can be found...

It is hard to realize how the time we spend to someone actually means something...
It is impossible to realize how the time one spends with someone, at that very moment, makes the life of the person(spent with) a lot more better and special...
One would just have to be amazed...
that after a few hours... or days... or weeks...
A person would go have a chat with you... and say...
"thank you..."
then you would ask...
"for what?..."
in a single statement...
"for you..."
(there is no need to continue the conversation)

Time is just time, nohting more... but...
Time spent for someone... is a value... a good in itself...

You look back on how you used your time...
hours of studying for a test...
hours of sleepless nights...
hours of collected cramming time...
hours of practice in the gym...
hours of practicing penalty kicks...
all this you did for you to become better and feel nice about yourself...

but its nothing compared to the joy you give to a person...
by spending a moment of your precious time with him/her...

turn around...
i'll be two steps behind...

Its been a long time... since ive last written an entry.. part 1

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:38:54 GMT

//Lately...
//My mind has been conjuring lots of things...
//I couldn't write them down... because i prefered to sleep...
//I will try to write them down now...
//I am sorry if reading this would bore you to death...
//Just choose what you want to read...

Table of Contents
I - Cars allow others to understand the owner of the car
II - Being turned down
III - (to be continued)

//I. Cars allow others to understand the owner of the car

Last Sunday, as i was going back to Manila passing through ABI, i met a group of "racers" (self proclaimed racers, i think, they weren't proffesional looking. but they sure can drive)

One of them said...
"No one can really understand a man... but his car... and no one can really understand his car... but the one driving it..."
I laughed at his statement...
I thought it was one of those racing wana be cool quotes...
But then... driving home...
I realized that the statement actually holds true.

Everything the driver feels, it is reciprocated by the car. If the driver is happy and comfortable then the car runs smoothly and comfortably. If the driver is pissed off then the car runs like a raging bull going after a red target. But the thing im saying right now is wrong, im just saying you could notice it; well i could. Every driver while driving has to keep his cool, its always the best way so that one arrives in his destination safely... meaning alive...

No one can understand your car better but yourself... even though the guys riding with you are proffesional mechanics, racers, know-it-alls, and feeling know-it-alls. They are only equipped with knowledge (or pretend to be equipped with knowledge), but they cannot feel what you are feeling. As cheesy as it may sound, the car and its driver share a bond that no one else can feels.

It is noticeable in my driving what i feel at that certain time; that is if people actually can give time at least notice it. Romee, a friend of mine, once said "Grabe sobra ka David, talagang two hands on the steering wheel and maintaining a safe distance"... the thing is i drived that way for a reason... because at that very moment, i held responsiblity of the life of others...

The way i drive basically show how i feel.
4 major ways noticeable ways...
When i...
... drive with only my left hand = i am comfortable and relaxed
... drive with only my right hand = troubled, pissed, thinking of something deep
... drive with two hands on the wheel = concentrating
... druve with no hands on the wheel = BIYAHENG LANGIT
i only show a few emotions, and it is very much seen while im driving...

//II. Being turned down

Being turned down in a constant thing nowadays especially in the corporate resource world. We are all resources now, that people forget our humanity. Imagine when we look at a pig we can only think of two things... pork = food... and of course.... cute stufftoy... we forget the essence of pigs as pigs alone... (well of course no one knows what that is) but the point im trying to reach here is that, we all live in a world of resources so much... thats bad... y? because we become shephered of beings as an instrument, and not beings as beings of beings... we are the only ones capable of shining the light to others, none other. ... As we let our light shine, we automatically give permission to others to do the same... As we are liberated from our fear... our presense directly liberates others...

In a more personal way...
i dont want to talk about being a resource... its a constant thing...
I want to share what i feel everytime im turned down... in the most simplest or gravest matter...

Remember when you were once a kid, and your mom promised you a toy or chocolate when she comes back home... then suddenly your mom forgets to buy it... then you go wild... you think of all the bad stuff like your mom doesn't love you and all those... you start your tantrums... then suddenly before you know it... you are already old (haha i dont know how to end my example)
That kind of reaction is still present even though we are no longer kids... maybe lets say we react through the incident in a more mature way.. but similary the same... there is a reason why people keep on saying... "promises are meant to be broken"... why? because its a defense mechanism so that they wont get hurt that badly... because it really is painful to be turned down... especially if you are turned down by the one you so close to...
The thing is... we can't help but expect... i know that is bad... even my mom tell me that the best way to live a life without so much pain is to not expect... but its impossible... we expect so that there is actually something to look forward to(realistic or not)...

I hate the feeling of being rejected, replaced, substituted, and turned down ( not in the proffesional sense )... Its so painful... but i cannot show it or express it simply because.. i am not the one in control of the lives of other people... and who am i to actually take part of their time... david = waste of time ----> this is what i feel, everytime i feel rejection and the like... which i think is actually true...

my video cam

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 06:32:54 GMT

MY VIDEO CAM IS LOST!!!

NAWAWALA VIDEO CAM KO!!!

NAWALA AKONG VIDEO CAM!!!

i have nothing to post....

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 21:45:39 GMT

recently...

i seem to enjoy sleep...

i dont know...

sleeping makes me want to sleep more...

everytime i lie down...

i feel sleepy...

im not complaining...

im even enjoying it...

i have nothing else to say...

im going to sleep in a few minutes...

again

feb 14

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 06:35:50 GMT

During valentines day...

everyone is happy...

everyone is with their love ones...

talking...

holding hands...

hugging...

and many more that i am not comfortable mentioning...

even those who are single are happy as they go out with friends who are also single...

is their anyone sad on valentines?

yah...

cupids' girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband is the saddest person/angel every february 14...

while everyone is with their love ones...

cupids' gf/bf/wife/husband is alone... as his partner, cupid, is off making others people feel happy of loving and being loved...

today... he/she.. is alone...

caring...

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 02:00:05 GMT

is it bad to care too much?...

i cant be help but be worried...

knowing that you cannot take care of yourself...

is it that hard to do?

can't you do it for yourself?

if you cant....

would it be to selfish to ask...

that...

can you take care of yourself for me?

please...

the valentines week 01

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 01:45:24 GMT

This is the week where the corniness of people reach the peak...

My goal for this week is...

to defend myself...

from the corniness of the people around... hahahahaha

joke...

insight (from my brain)

it is not corny... as long as people do things truely and with pure intentions...

not broadcasting things around, so that people would say "woah!" or "astig!" to them....

one doesn't really have to climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest sea to do something great for the one he/she loves...

because... the fact is... YOU wont be able to climb the highest mountain in one day... and YOU cannot definitely swim the deepest sea in one day!.. hahahahahaha

if you were the reciever...

what would you opt...

an act so simple yet true...

or...

an act so grand yet full of personal gain(from the giver)...

me?

i ideally would like an act so grand... yet true! hahahahahaha