This will be the last time ill write something on this account... this will also be the last time i am opening this account... i am not deleting it though, maybe in a few years people will read the stuff written in my blog, and who knows they might find knowledge that no one has ever thought...

anyways... this is my last entry... why? reasons known only by me... if you do not have the luxury of time... i warn you, stop reading as of this very moment...

Someone, a close friend of mine invited me once to create a livejournal account... and i did it... this is my second livejournal account - for the people who did not know... first question, why did i erase my livejournal account (first)... it was because... i couldn't reach the persons in this LJ community... to be more specific i couldn't get along with bloggers, or couldn't understand them for this matter, bottom line cant relate... i was around 1st year college? second year college? and yes i couldn't relate with you guys... berk, ginie, tina, keith, s1nners who has blogs, my english blockmates and etc... and thus i stopped...

Now, i have another account... if people you are going to ask me... why stop again? then my answer would be... i can now relate so much with blogs... and its disturbing... it bothers me... and i can't do anything about it... (it has nothing to do with me expressing myself... its how i feel by others expressing themselves...)

So stuffs that i would like to say for my last entry...

I would like to thank the people who sent me messages in this account... i have 24 messages all in all, without even deleting a single one... (messages being comments as well) excluding of course friend added messages

1 message from myself...
1 message from LJ maintenance... thank you...
1 message from denise... thank you denise...
2 messages from bordge... thank you bordge...
4 messages from ginie... thank you ginie...
12 messages from sheila... thank you sheila...


thank you for your messages...

I'd like to leave the following...
(some people could actually relate to the stuff i write here, for they are very much a part of the experience... and for that i thank you)

- money and position has no position when it comes to matters of the heart
- the heart does things for reasons.. that reason does not understand..
- you can only hope that in the moment of dark reflection... that you are not alone...
- the question of good and evil is provided in one simple choice.. survive.. or perish?
- what do all men of power want? more power...
- we have all forgotten what we are here for
- someone is out there... and that someone will find you... if only you can find the courage to face another day...
- its amazing how everything can change in a blink of an eye
- i want them to feel that they are not alone out their...
- a real man admits his fears...
- finish what you started
- "I want the ball..", winners always do...
- see what no else sees... see what everyone else doesnt choose to see...
- its been an honor to share the field of battle with you
- How are legends made... by how they live their life? or by how others live because of them?
- does this darkness have a name... is it ur name?
- A sense of curiosity is nature's original school of education
- i came here a man.. give me the strength.. to walk out of here a man
- if there is honor in the course you have set me.. let me earn it today...
- every passing minute is a chance to change all around....
- For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it... For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it... For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.
- the harder you fight the deeper you sink.. quicksand
- "smile! your here with me!"
- dont... dont ruin it..
- most heroes are dead...
- you choose a leader by his heart... "but i am not without fear"... without fear there can be no courage...
- one part brave... three parts fool...
- something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream..
- the best feeling.. people counting on me... and im not letting them down..
- if you cant join them... beat them...
- we are paratroopers we are supposed to be surrounded
- i need you to talk to me; im not trying to shut you out; i just dont undestand it enough to let you in; whatever it is we are gona get thru it together, im right here, im not going anywhere.
- they're taking every bit of dignity we have; no,its your dignity, they can only take it away if let them
- Im not letting go... I know you wont...
- Honor your skills.

and of course... my favorite lines
IAB - Its All Bullshit
IDGAR - I Dont Give A Rats Ass

special mention to this line...
"it is in the darkest sky... dat stars shine bright....."

thank you to the person who gave me this quote... of all the persons that i could talk to, it had to be you... (something that he/she got from a friend (i was touched with our conversation, and was at the point of crying)
"we might get a better sense of "intimacy" by looking at the reality behind the word: "into-me-see." Intimacy is born between two people who open themselves up, make themselves vulnerable, and allow and invite each other to see into their deepest lives"


everything above are lines that i took or made (except the quote)...
i only have one statement that i kept as it was said/typed to me... (thank you, you know who you are)
"i think we dream so that we don't have to be apart for so long. if we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time""

thank you...

i do not wish to end my final entry with a negative legacy...
and thus i keep everything to myself...

See you all on the real world...
where the world is a stage...
and everyone are actors...
and by actors... i do mean actors...

it was quite an experience expressing myself through the blog...
pathetic of me...
as usual...
mood apathetic
location bedroom
music... silence..

just to make it clear...

this is my blog...
and i didn't make this blog for someone or something...


thank you...
THANK YOU EVERYONE...


and yes... BYE.

and thus, i free myself...
from the sadness...


this is David Stephen E. Sta.Maria
signing off.

-- no final message --
-- post to daevianced --
time ended: 10:40 pm
date: april 12,2007

Tags: end
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Silence

I am bothered...

of what?

words...

how do you call a man who is seperated from its words?
Liar...
how do you call a man who is without words?
Coward...
how do you call a man who is nothing but words?
Hot Air...

Tags: insight
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Silence

My first official year in ACMG...
Captain for its basketball team...

my experience...
I played against the ACMG basketball players 2x...
I played against the ACMG alumni players 3x...
I played against the LGV boys 2x...
I played against the YFC team 1x...

in all games... we lost... so much for a nice start...

We had the perfect team...

Carlos Palma, point guard... Pass first mentality... Jason Kidd with hair.

David Sta.Maria, shooting guard... create an open spot then shoot... Right handed Manu Ginobili.

Dino Alcoseba, shooting guard/ small forward... catch and shoot... Left handed Kyle Korver.

Ferdie Morano, small forward... "kat"er... heart... Tracy Mcgrady Body type.

Papu Alonzo, small forward... dribble away... Lamar Odom without passing.

Joey Gavino, small forward/ power forward... slasher... White Carmelo Anthony.

Nikko Chua, power forward... pg/pf in one... Short Dirk Nowitzki.

Rey Sanchez, power forward/ center... fake, fade away, board, swoosh. Under powered Elton Brand.

Miguel Florendo. center... tall. Yao Ming minus 1 foot and a half.


WE LOST... BADLY EVEN IN TIMES... CLOSE IN TIMES... BUT ALL THE GAMES... LOST...
why?
we had skills... individually...
however... how does one shoot without someone passing the ball...
how does one get the ball without someone first rebounding the ball...
and etc...

we did not play as a team...

taking the words of Abdul Jabar... one man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team...

However...
one good thing is that... we tried... we tried to play as a team...
we tried to go against the giants of our division... we tried to win... we tried to play... that makes us winners...
taking the words of Michael Jordan... i can accept failure, But i can't accept not trying.

Sadly, there is no more next season for this team.. why? because of that damn reclustering! YFC would have been beat! Just when we got it all together... we lost the chance to perform...

the team will be losing its seniors now...
and i dont think it will be receiving lots of fresh legs...
we will be facing a bigger challenge now...
to the IAC games...

this time.. better...
this time... as a team...

Tags: insight
Current Location: bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: silence

What is courage?

courage is usually associated with...

this kind of situations...

Knight: Sir, i pledge allegiance to you to my death. I will protect your kingdom will all of my strenght and i will never give up until my last breath. I will face the enemy without fear... be them a group... horde... or legion... they will fall.

Basketball player: (the score is 98 - 98, 5 seconds left on the clock) Pass me the ball, i'll dribble it to the inside, stop, fade away... no one shall stop me...

Fighter: FACE ME! I am not afraid of you!

so heroic...
so majestic...
so full of... shit.

courage is not the absence of fear...
courage is the acceptance of fear...


I was once a member of PTKF-JKA (Philippine Traditional Karate Federations - Japan Karate Association). I trained in dojo kun for around 3 years.

I remember when i was just starting... a senior karateka by the name of Meiko approached me and said "it takes will to enter this brotherhood... and i have to warn you... it takes courage to stay... Everyone loves fighting, for others its cool, its stylish... but ever wonder why there are only a few of us left training..."

I did not like that guy... cocky and arrogant... who was he to doubt my courage... A few days later, another senior by the name of Raymond once asked me... "David, What is courage?"... I could not answer him...

After reaching 6th kyu, a senior by the name of Alex called out two juniors... namely me and JB... Alex released a reverse punch to JB's face, and stopped just an inch away... JB did not even flinch... Alex said "You have fighting spirit"... Alex then went in front of me... I was prepared... I saw what he did... I shouldn't flinch or even blink... Alex released a reverse punch... I simply couldn't help but close my eyes and fade my body back a little... then did one heck of an out of form upper block... of course i never got to block the punch as it was never meant to hit me... Alex said "David... you have courage..."

JB and I sparred after that... and well... i lost...the lenght of his arms was almost as long as the lenght of my roundhouse kick... without excuse... i lost... 5 - 3...

Courage is not standing up without fear... standing up without fear is foolishness...

Courage is not choosing to fight without preparation... yet again, it would simply be foolishness...

Courage is fighting with your fear...

and with that you are courageous...

win the battle or lose it... you stand courageous...

Courage is courage...

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

anyways...
i am not courageous...
one part of me is brave... three parts foolish...

and just a side note... i kicked Meiko's butt( after a few years)!!!! (the arrogant and cocky guy)

Tags: insight
Current Location: bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: silence

i am shivering...

both in fear...

and in anticipation...

i am scared...

i am not comfortable...

haven't slept...

i might faint...

i have decided...
i will go into the battlefield...
without any guns... bullets... nor training...
will i win the battle?
will i win the war?
all i have with me, is stock knowledge...
will it be enough...
i doubt...
however...
there is always hope for those who stand strong in times fear...

one part brave... three parts fool.

i will update you with the results

Tags: lifestory
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Silence

I do not fear a lion for i have done nothing to hurt its pride...

A lion's heart...

gentle...

loving...

brave...

courageous...

caring...

a good king...

a good leader...

someone you can rely on...


however, hurt its pride... trespass into his territory... hurt his love ones...
you... will... suffer...
death is but the best option you have to relieve yourself from the suffering you are about to encounter.

I will kill if i have to... I wont even hesitate for a second...
I will look at you straight into the eye... I will head straight to you... and...
I will hurt you...
Go ahead... do anything you can... bring a whole army with you to protect you...
There is nothing you can do to escape my wrath...
There is nothing you can do... to survive...
I will be cold...
I will be silent...
I will hunt you down...
It would be best... if you simply exiled yourself from existence...
for you... hell will exist in earth...
hell... you'd wish to be in hell... than to be alive in earth... facing my wrath...

trust me...
if i were you...
stay away.

foolish?
it takes to bravery to be foolish.
one part brave... three parts fool.

Tags: insight
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Silence

I love to drive... if something is bothering... i drive (provided there is nothing else more i could do, i usually just close my eyes and think... or stare at something and think)...

People should not think of the word "driver" as a low proffesion...
when you are a "driver"... lives are at your hands...

I have a story about a driver... i dont know if its a good one or not...

Let us name the driver DS...

DS drives a white Nissan Sentra Exalta 5 speed automatic transmission...

DS was thinking of something deep... so he was driving around Katipunan... around 11:00 pm or so...

DS turned on the final U-turn slot after Mirriam... there were no cars...

DS parked on the side...

switched to neutral...

then rev up thrice...

a green toyota corolla stopped beside DS... parked... and rev up twice... then...

tires screeched....

the green toyota corolla accelerated forward...

DS did not know what just happened...

he simply place his foot to the accelerator and tailed the green toyota corolla...

well it didn't take long for the toyota corolla to run out of site...

but DS did not stop...

his tachometer which limited its engine to 8000 revs/min registered at 5000 to 6000...
his speedometer marked a 140 - 160 speed...
everything around blurred out...

DS was in deep thought driving in this speed...
yet he was not scared...
he didn't have time to be scared...
at that very moment...
he just wanted his thoughts to dissappear...

suddenly a flash of light came from the other side of the road...
DS was blinded for a second...
when DS recovered his sight...
he was already nearing the divide to eastwood and San Juan...
DS accelerated... turned hard.. then accelerated again...
throwing the back of his car to the side...
a preliminary drift happened...
the car nearly tumbled side ways...
and it existed to San Juan...

a tiny rock was on the road...
DS had no time to dodge it...
the car ran over the rock...
then swirved...

Death was inevitable...

what happened next?

Legend says that DS drives through the night trying to finish what his mind has thought of...
what was he thinking?
no one knows really...

one thing is for sure...
that night...
Death occured...
who died?
No one...
huh?
His thoughts died...
and so...
he drives on...

Tags: lifestory
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Silence

Ginie: only 2 S1nners are not busy... you and mike... hahahahahahaha

BOOOOOOO!!!! GINIE FOUL!!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

and for that i will release your acmg video scandal:D hahahahahahahhaha

i have power over you!!! bwahahahahahahahahahaha

shux natawa ako sa sarili ko!!!

hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

bwahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

FYI (this a bad term, why cant people say it kindly)

May ginagawa ako...
busy din ako...
ayaw ko lang ipakita...
ayaw kong magdrama...
bakit?
Because if you guys are already stressed out and is/are already in the point of dying...
then im really sure that me showing that i am busy will not really help you guys at all...
at least i give you guys hope...
what kind of hope?
that there will always be a man who is gona fail with you guys if ever you fail! hahahahahaha jowk :D bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

argh.. patapon na utak ko...
i need... .DOTA...
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
just one more day.... after today... wohoooooooo!!! finals na lng!!!! wohoooooooo

Tags: lifestory
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Silence

The whole 2 sems of philosophy...
concluded in one single quotes...

"We are all like kites... soaring comfortably in the sky... in place as they anchored to the ground by a string... but when the string breaks... will you take wing, and fly like a bird? or will you fall hard to the ground..."
- Sir Anton Sevilla

Tags: insight
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Silence

last tuesday...

i was able to once again experience the satisfying feeling of controlling the ball with the use of my feet, legs, chest, and head...

after highschool i stopped playing soccer... thinking that i could find more enjoyment in other sports...

but i was wrong...

the feeling...
...of hearing *BooooM* as i kick the ball...
...of counting those three crucial steps before the kick...
...of doing a succesful fake against an opponent...
...of seeing the ball swish through the air...

...everything about soccer...

is just so nice...

i miss the times...

I am not a defender... i suck with defense...
I am not a striker... even though i want to be... but my leg power is not strong enough anymore...
I am a mid-fielder... and i am not ashamed of it... i like my position...
I create...
opportunities for my team...

i want to play soccer... again...

every athelete dreams of a second chance...
I want to live it...

Tags: lifestory
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Silence